| Full given name: | Lucy The Slut |
| Hometown: | None of your f#@%ing business |
| Zodiac sign: | What's the one with the crabs? That one. |
| Audition song: | Oh, sugar, I don't audition. I get offered gigs outright. Though sometimes I do hafta seal the deal by dancing one of my specialties: the Backseat Samba, the Horizontal Hula, or the Mattress Mambo. |
| Special skills: | Ball juggling, cigar smoking, pony riding, muffin buttering, carpet cleaning, candlewick dipping, nut cracking, rock climbing, tool grinding, pipe laying, clock winding, pearl diving, and basket weaving. |
| First Broadway show ever saw: | Does the peep show at 42nd and 8th count? Changed my life… |
| If you could go back in time and catch any Broadway show, what would it be? | I'd rather meet my Broadway boys after they're done for the night and slam dollar shots at the Port Authority bowling alley. That's Broadway for me. |
| Current show you have been recommending to friends: | I WAS recommending In the Heights as a favor to Lin-Manuel, cuz he and I had our own little weekly matinee in his dressing room, but ever since he left the show, that [Spanish expletive] doesn't return my calls. |
| Favorite show tune: | Is "Superfreak" from a musical? |
| Most played song on your iPod: | "%#@$ the Pain Away" by Peaches |
| Web obsession: | I don't obsess about the internet, men on the internet obsess about me. |
| Last book you read: | "The Selected Works of T.S. Spivet" — why are you looking at me like that? I read. Motherf#@%er. |
| Must-see TV show: | "Hung" |
| Last good movie you saw: | "Harry Potter and the Half-Pierced Prince Albert" |
| Favorite board/card game: | Take your pick: Strip Poker, Strip Go Fish, Strip Twister, Strip Boggle |
| Performer you would drop everything to go see: | Lover, I did drop everything to see Justin Timberlake, if you know what I mean. And believe you me, the view was tasty. |
| Pop culture guilty pleasure: | I'm only admittin' this cuz I'm on my third Long Island Iced Tea, but I love that "Tori and Dean: Home Sweet Hollywood." Their disgustingly sweet relationship almost makes me want to get hitched myself someday. Then it goes to commercial and I come back to my senses. |
| First stage kiss: | Does it count as a kiss if it wasn't my lips? Or his? |
| Worst onstage mishap: | I'm a professional. Whenever something goes wrong on stage, I know how to handle it so no one ever remembers. I flash my %#$&. |
| Who have you played on "Law & Order"? Which edition? | I've come so close to playing almost every dead hooker you've ever seen on those shows, but they always decide to go with someone "less fuschia and less felty." |
| Pets' names? | I have a snake named Pleasure and a gerbil named Richard. I keep them separated. |
| Favorite junk food: | Hot dogs and popsicles. |
| Who would play you in the movie? | Chelsea Handler |
| Leading lady role you've been dying to play: | Hedda Gabler. Don't look at me like that. I have range! Motherf%$#ing… |
