Super Bowl Prep! Football Terms Explained for Theatre People

News   Super Bowl Prep! Football Terms Explained for Theatre People
Super Bowl XLIX is right around the corner, and you've been invited to a party, but you're facing a dilemma: You're only educated in theatre! In our below list, explains football terms for theatre people.


Cheerleaders: Chorus girls.

Coach: Director.

Deflate-Gate: You lose $4.5 million on a show because your South African mystery investor suddenly dies from malaria.

End Zone: Backstage, including our dressing rooms. (Hasn't everybody scored in a dressing room before?)

False Start: "Didn't they call places like 15 minutes ago?"

First Down: Scene Change!

Fumble: It's like falling out of your triple pirouette. Ugh.

Hail-Mary Pass: Oh, Lord! In football, this is when the players throw the ball really far in hopes of scoring. In our world, it's like when a theatregoer is trying to "score" tickets to a show via the lottery system. Imagine: You're at The Book of Mormon on 49th Street and your friend is at Wicked on 50th, and you're keeping in touch via cellphone. Your name is called at Wicked, and now you're running for your life to get there before they skip your name and give the tickets away to someone else. The whole time, you're like, "Hail Mary, full of grace…"

Half Time: Intermission. Substitute a $5 bag of peanut M&Ms for a hotdog.

Huddle: We call this: Prayer Circle.

Instant Replay: "One more time, facing away from the mirror…"

Interception: To best explain this would be to refer to Anna Kendrick in "Camp." (Take note at 50 seconds in!)

Kick Off: The start of the game, otherwise known as the "Overture." Am I right?

Linebacker: These are the big, strong dudes — usually the ones used for lifts.

The New England Patriots: The Patriots make their eighth appearance at the Super Bowl (tying for the most Super Bowl visits of any team in the NFL) and have won three titles. They're essentially the Audra McDonald of the Super Bowl.

Option Offense: We're not really sure what this is in football, but it's something like "optioning up," right?

Overtime: When you're thinking, "Okay, how many more encores are there?"

Penalty: When you're thinking, "Did we not take an Equity Ten?"

Punt: In football, a punt is when a player is kicking the ball to the other team — it's a switchover. In theatre, it's like when we're at a put-in. The stage manager is kickin' it to us, and we're just trying to catch up with the rest of the gang because… "OMG. I HAVE A SHOW TONIGHT!"

Quarterback: #TopBilling!

Run the Clock: This is when your scene partner has forgotten his or her entrance, and you're stalling (and praying).

Safety: In football, a safety can happen when a foul is committed or someone is tackled in the end zone (see: End Zone). In theatre, it's like when you run into a flat when you're trying to make it off stage and into the wings.

The Seattle Seahawks: The Seahawks have one Super Bowl ring on their finger (talon?), but they are the defending champs. Jessie Mueller?

Sidelines: The wings.

Snap: We used a ton of these in West Side Story!

Sudden Death: We call this: Callbacks (and I think we take it more serious than football players do #sorrynotsorry).

Tight End: We all have tight ends in the theatre, now don't we? This is self-explanatory.

Time Out: "Please be patient, as we are experiencing technical difficulties. We will resume the performance shortly…"

Touchdown: This is when the team finally scores in football. As performers, it seems like we're totally scoring after every number, but let's say that a touchdown is like getting a standing ovation. Haven't you seen those dances they do in the end zone (see: End Zone)? Isn't that what we all do when we run off stage knowing that we #nailedit?

Two-Point Conversion: This sounds complicated, but it's basically when you're trying to sing 32 bars at an audition when they asked for a 16-bar cut.

Vince Lombardi Trophy: The Antoinette Perry Award for Excellence in Theatre

Wide Receivers: Our beloved dressers! They stand there on the sidelines (see: Sidelines) and are totally ready to catch our costumes during a quick change. The game is not to be played without a wide receiver. How could Jefferson Mays possibly make it through Gentleman's Guide to Love and Murder without someone to catch his costume and help move the game along?

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