By Seth Rudetsky
11 Nov 2013
|Photo by Joseph Marzullo/WENN|
I forgot to write about Jackie Hoffman's hilarious monologue last week at 54 Below. She had been contacted by the TV show Celebrity Ghost Stories. They wanted to know if she had a ghost story, and she wasn't particularly interested until she found out they pay $6,500!
"$6,500! For $6,500 I'd kill someone... and wait for their ghost to haunt me!"
She was harassing everyone she knew for a story and finally asked her mother, who began to sadly tell her a story she had never wanted to mention. Of course, as soon as it began, Jackie began to fantasize about the $6,500. Her mother reluctantly told her that a few years ago she was in the cemetery where her parents are buried. She suddenly saw them, standing at the graves, weeping. As her mother got more and more upset, Jackie said she could visualize the iPad she was going to buy. Her mother continued and told her that she asked her parents why they were so sad, but her parents wouldn't answer. "This is terrific!" Jackie thought and added that her fingers were swiping the imaginary iPad screen. Finally, her mother tearfully told her that she realized a few months later that her parents were trying to warn her that her husband was about to die. "Yes!" Jackie, thought. "Perfect!"
She left her tear-stained mother and immediately called Celebrity Ghost Story. She told them the story and turned on the schmaltz for the full effect. When she finally finished, they immediately told her "The ghost story needs to involve you, not another person," and hung up. Jackie was left holding the phone, yelling, "I meant, me! My grandparents were warning me!" To this day, no iPad.
This week I do Disaster! and this Saturday I fly to Tampa to do a show with the fabulous Patti LuPone. She's inviting a lot of folks from American Horror Story (they film down there) and she asked me if I'd start the show with deconstructing. I said YES! Very exciting! Speaking of concerts with celebs, the amazing concert I did with Sutton Foster is about to go on sale. You can watch some sassy highlights here. And on that note, peace out!
(Seth Rudetsky is the afternoon Broadway host on SiriusXM. He has played piano for over 15 Broadway shows, was Grammy-nominated for his concert CD of Hair and Emmy-nominated for being a comedy writer on "The Rosie O'Donnell Show." He has written two novels, "Broadway Nights" and "My Awesome/Awful Popularity Plan," which are also available at Audible.com. He recently launched SethTV.com, where you can contact him and view all of his videos and his sassy new reality show.)