REPEATED REMINDER FROM THE PROS: "Musicals take years to develop!" (The fun of "Smash" is seeing how success can be fast-tracked under the right conditions. It does happen.)
THE RETURN OF GREASY NICK AND HAMMY JERRY: Nick (Thorsten Kaye), the cash-only bartender who funded the Broadway development and tryout of Bombshell with criminal money, has resurfaced and is going to turn himself in, taking the blame. Lovestruck producer Eileen (Anjelica Huston), after a night of offscreen sex with the "good" Nick, ends up telling the feds that she also knew the money was shady, and she is stripped of the ability to produce Bombshell. But her ex, Jerry (Michael Cristofer), thinks it has hit potential, and she grants him the right to take over the show (in another offsceen scene). In a surprise twist at episode's end, Jerry is seen talking on the phone to the (unseen) villain of Season One — ambitious, bisexual, smoothie-spiking Ellis, who has been feeding Jerry backstage intel about Bombshell, which Jerry, we guess, spilled to the government. (As the story progresses, it's less and less clear how the funding was illegal. If I want to invest in Hit List, The Singing Bird, Temps, Three On a Match or another title mentioned in this series, couldn't I hand over a million in cash, sign papers and get a receipt? Do you need to know that I inherited it from my mysterious Uncle Guido? Could a general manager please email us?) Jerry writes a check to Ellis, and informs the kid by phone that he never wants to hear from him again. Now the world will know that Eileen Rand is not a producer! If Jerry had longer facial hair, he'd be twisting it into a pointy curl.
Now it's time to surrender to the most thrilling Broadway show ever imagined... the longest-running musical phenomenon in Broadway history. Unmask your savings today, because tonight belongs to Phantom. Tickets as low as $27!